Perri Pearl and Her Incredible Story…

Note to reader: Visit the Perri Pearl Blog –

I left the Hasidic community to become a nude model

Three years ago, she started having flashbacks.

Pearl Perri (who was born Penina Reich), now 34, had already survived her arranged marriage, fought a bitter custody battle for her four children, and left her strict Hasidic community in New Jersey.

It wasn’t until recently that the activist, mother and entrepreneur had memories of being sexually abused when she was just a kindergartner at the strictest Yeshiva in Jerusalem.

It’s this reclamation of her body that led Pearl to become a nude model and outspoken critic of her strict religious upbringing.

“My body is something for me to love and enjoy, not a tool to please others,” Pearl, who moved to America with her family when she was 10 years old, told The Post.

That’s why Pearl and her second husband, Shauli Grossman, 28, who is also a former member of the community that the pair describes as cultlike, celebrated Body Painting Day in New York City in July, marching nude through the city: They wanted to show the world that every human body is a work of art.

Pearl began the day with a body-painting party where 30 models, including herself, were painted, and a nude march through the Lower East Side. The crew then drove to Brooklyn and paraded in Williamsburg and Dumbo.

Pearl Perri, 34, and her second husband, Shauli Grossman, 28Photo: Rich Jones
Watching Pearl march nude in the street, it would be hard to guess at her ultra-conservative, super-religious roots.

“They used to tell me to cover my knees, to cover my neck,” said Pearl, who on the day of her event was completely bare except for a pair of boots, purple and pink swirls of paint, and sparkles where her underwear would be.

Pearl’s current husband supports and encourages her exhibitionism.

But at 18, she was paired off in an arranged marriage to another man who she claims treated her like her body was his property.

“I was taught that I had no choices in life and so I decided to make the most of it,” Pearl said.

When her family moved from Jerusalem to the U.S., Pearl said her schools were still rigid and conservative.

“I was basically prepped for marriage and babymaking,” she said. “I was very studious and went after a degree in education. I think I studied so much because I was searching for something, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was.”

Modal Trigger
Pearl Perri when she was younger
Photo: Handout

By the age of 24, Pearl was already a mother of four. She mustered up the courage to ask her first husband for a divorce (called a “get” in Jewish religious practice), but he refused.

If a woman in the community is denied a get from her husband, she cannot, by religious law, move beyond the marriage.

“If she has romantic relations with another man, she is labeled a slut,” Pearl said.

Despite not obtaining a get until age 30, Pearl moved out of her first husband’s home at 24.

She lived with her parents in New Jersey for half a year but lived on her own in Brooklyn and then New Jersey after her parents continued to pressure her to return to her former, unhappy union.

After moving out, Pearl, who was always interested in fashion, secretly sent photos to modeling agencies but never thought she’d get a response. Just weeks later, she began working for companies like Gap and Express and modeled their new lines in New Jersey malls.

One of Pearl’s first modeling photos shows her in a sleeveless black V-neck dress with her long blond hair down past her shoulders — a far cry from the long-sleeved shirts and skirts of her conservative upbringing.

At 29, Pearl met Shauli through Facebook. He had recently left his religious community in upstate New York.

“Shauli was married off to an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic woman who was forced to shave her head at the day of the wedding,” Pearl told The Post. His first marriage lasted two years.

Shauli and Pearl bonded over their shared experiences and started chatting about modern Jewish philosophy and science. Before long, they realized they were falling in love — not just with each other, but also with life’s infinite possibilities. The two married last year.

Pearl fully left the community and stopped living a double life when she was 30, at which point she was disowned by her parents.

“Leaving a cult is leaving a prison without the tools to live in the outside world. Many people commit suicide,” she said.

When she was 29 and living on her own, but not yet officially divorced, Pearl said she received a letter from the secular court saying that she would lose custody of her children, now ages 9, 12, 13 and 14. Many, including her own family, had informed the court that she was unfit to be a mother. An expensive, months-long legal battle followed, including a public campaign that included Pearl appearing on Dr. Phil’s TV show in 2012 to tell her side of the story. That same year, she regained custody of her children.

Pearl still practices a less restrictive form of Judaism in her home, and her kids stay with their father every second weekend. Though all four attend an Orthodox yeshiva as part of the custody ruling, Pearl said her children are free to make their own religious choices.

To read the article in its entirety in the New York Post click here.

Platinum and Beachwood and Murray…




Adviser With Ties to Hedge Fund Platinum Put Client Funds in It

Beechwood Re didn’t inform investment clients of its ties to Platinum Partners, which is now under fraud investigation, when it put them in Platinum-related investments

Two years ago, Senior Health Insurance Co. of Pennsylvania hired an investment adviser that swiftly invested tens of millions of dollars of the insurer’s money with hedge-fund firm Platinum Partners and bought a series of hard-to-sell assets from Platinum’s funds.

What the insurer wasn’t told was that the adviser, Beechwood Re, was more than 40%-owned by family members of Platinum’s co-founders through trusts and by a former Platinum staffer, people familiar with the matter said.

Platinum now is under a federal fraud investigation, and Senior Health Insurance of Pennsylvania, known as SHIP, is working to get rid of many Platinum-related assets, SHIP’s chief executive says.

The CEO of Beechwood, Mark Feuer, said he didn’t tell SHIP and other clients about his firm’s ties to Platinum because the ownership stakes were passive and didn’t come with a management role. A Beechwood spokesman later said the firm “believes in the importance of all appropriate disclosures and at all times has acted in the best of interest of its clients.”

SHIP Chief Executive Brian Wegner said the insurer is investigating Beechwood’s investment procedures to determine their compliance with the firms’ investment agreement. A Beechwood spokesman said anyone with Platinum-related investments “should of course confirm that their interests are appropriately protected.”

As The Wall Street Journal reported in July, Platinum, which specializes in exotic investments such as loans to struggling companies, is being investigated by federal prosecutors in New York. One of its founders, Murray Huberfeld, has pleaded not guilty to conspiracy and wire fraud in connection with an alleged bribe of a union official for investments. Platinum has suspended redemptions from its hedge funds and announced plans to liquidate them. It has said it is cooperating with the investigation.

Platinum’s fund investors have been largely concentrated in a tight-knit group of observant Jewish businesspeople. Exposure to Platinum reached a far wider realm as a result of Beechwood’s having directed insurance-client money into Platinum funds and related investments.

SHIP’s Platinum-linked investments, which have included loans to Platinum itself, exceed the insurer’s shrinking $35 million capital surplus, or assets minus liabilities. A long-term-care insurer, SHIP counts on its investments to help cover the cost of benefits for elderly policyholders.

Both Beechwood and SHIP said investments are supported by independent ratings and backed by collateral. They said Beechwood, not SHIP, would bear the risk on them. SHIP said its capital levels will remain adequate.

Since early 2014, Beechwood has put more than $200 million of client money in Platinum-linked investments, according to public filings and people familiar with the matter.

Beechwood said all transactions related to Platinum since late 2014 have been “in the context of a restructuring away from Platinum,” a process “nearly complete.” It didn’t provide specific details of the restructuring.

Beechwood said in August that transactions with Platinum “represent under 10% of our well-capitalized $2.4 billion business and should be down to under 1% by the end of the year.”

Beechwood was founded in 2013 by two former Merrill Lynch operations executives, Mr. Feuer and Scott Taylor, partly to help insurers invest their cash.

Mr. Feuer had long known some at Platinum, whose executives were active in the same religious community on New York’s Long Island. He and Mr. Huberfeld served at a charity together, and Mr. Feuer’s sister went to the same school as Platinum co-founder Mark Nordlicht, according to people familiar with the matter.

For years, Platinum had little success attracting insurance-company money and considered starting a reinsurer to do so, people familiar with the situation said. It didn’t proceed, but after Messrs. Feuer and Taylor opened Beechwood Re, more than 40% of Beechwood’s equity was held by family-member trusts of Platinum’s founders as well as by a former Platinum employee.

That employee, David Levy, who is a nephew of Mr. Huberfeld, became Beechwood’s first chief investment officer. He later returned to Platinum. Then another Platinum employee became Beechwood’s second chief investment officer in 2015.

In other ties, Beechwood hired family members of Platinum’s owners, and it gave Mr. Huberfeld access to an office at its New York quarters in 2015.

Mr. Feuer said opening Beechwood was his and Mr. Taylor’s own idea, and the Platinum-linked owners were bought out this summer or earlier. He said Beechwood now is owned by himself, Mr. Taylor and an investor he wouldn’t name but who he said has no financial interest in Platinum.

Before family trusts of Mr. Huberfeld and Mr. Nordlicht were bought out, they were kept updated. Less than 10 minutes after Beechwood received word that money for its first transaction had arrived, Beechwood’s founders notified Messrs. Nordlicht and Huberfeld, documents reviewed by the Journal show.

A spokesman for Beechwood, David Goldin, said, “Everyone close to minority investors was notified at the same time.”

The initial Beechwood transaction, in February 2014, was a reinsurance deal with CNO Financial Group Inc. —an insurer from which SHIP was spun out—to manage about $500 million of long-term-care policies.

CNO audited $126 million of that total, it said in a filing last month, and believes “some or all of these assets may bear some connection to Platinum” or to parties with a link to Platinum.

CNO’s stock is down around 10% since then. Fitch Ratings placed CNO on a negative ratings watch, on the risk it could have to cover any Beechwood losses.

CNO declined to comment. Speaking for Beechwood, Mr. Goldin said, “We have no reason to believe there have been or will be any shortfalls in the reinsurance trusts.”

The Platinum-related investments Beechwood chose for clients came in several forms: investments in hedge funds, asset purchases from Platinum and loans to the firm or companies linked to it. One such company was Implant Sciences Corp. , an explosives-detection firm that trades as a penny stock.

In winning SHIP, the Pennsylvania insurer, as a client, Beechwood guaranteed a 5.85% annual return, a steep hurdle at a time of low interest rates.

Beechwood executives said many clients asked it to find investments that could achieve higher returns—one reason it chose Platinum-related investments. Another reason, said Mr. Feuer, was that Beechwood’s first chief investment officer, having come from Platinum, was familiar with its positions.

Mr. Goldin said Beechwood determines valuations for assets, and a third-party firm “separately provides an independent view.”

SHIP hasn’t marked down any of its Platinum-related investments, said its CEO, Mr. Wegner.

In the first quarter, after Platinum’s flagship fund said it wouldn’t immediately be able to meet redemption requests, filings show Beechwood directed about $8 million more of SHIP’s money into Platinum-related investments. In the second quarter, Beechwood directed that around $28 million of such investments be cashed out. Mr. Wegner said SHIP “was not aware of the liquidity issues faced by Platinum” at the time those moves were made.

SHIP, which has more than $2 billion of assets overall, had $57 million invested in or lent to Platinum hedge funds at the end of last year.

To read the Wall Street Journal article in its entirety click here.


Beechwood Re says exposure to hedge fund manager Platinum minimal

Aug 15 Reinsurer Beechwood Re said in a statement Monday that it was in the process of severing ties to Platinum Partners and that debt linked to the hedge fund manager and its holdings were small.

“There has been no apparent negative impact to these loans that represent a small portion of our portfolio; and we continue to be confident in the strong security, strict covenants and over-collateralization we have in place to protect against future potential downside risk,” Beechwood said.

Beechwood Re has been managing $590 million in assets for CNO Financial, which has come under pressure over Beechwood’s ties to Platinum.

To continue reading click here.






More on Platinum- The Money is there, Just in the Hands of A Different Family Member…

murray huberfeld

Murray Huberfeld Keeping it all in the Family… Does anyone Wonder where All of Platinum’s Money has gone???

Though Beechwood is cutting financial ties with Platinum, Huberfeld’s son-in-law works for an affiliate, B Asset Manager, where Huberfeld’s son was also an intern this year. Huberfeld himself worked for Beechwood last year and had an office there.

Under pressure, Beechwood Re works to minimize Platinum ties

CNO Financial Group reinsurance provider Beechwood Re sought on Monday to minimize damage from its links to Platinum Partners, the hedge fund manager embroiled in dual federal probes.

Beechwood has since 2014 managed approximately $590 million in assets for CNO, which has come under pressure over Beechwood’s ties to Platinum. New York-based Platinum is being investigated by the Department of Justice and the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

Platinum is in the process of liquidating its main funds, which specialize in high-interest rate loans to small private companies.


CNO shares have fallen about 15 percent in recent weeks following coverage of ties between Platinum and Beechwood in The Wall Street Journal. Fitch Ratings subsequently placed CNO on “rating watch negative,” and CNO said in a regulatory filing that it was auditing Beechwood’s difficult-to-value holdings.

Beechwood said Monday that it was in the process of severing ties to Platinum Partners and that debt linked to the embattled hedge fund manager and its holdings was minimal.

“There has been no apparent negative impact to these loans that represent a small portion of our portfolio; and we continue to be confident in the strong security, strict covenants and over-collateralization we have in place to protect against future potential downside risk,” Beechwood said in a statement.


Beechwood has approximately $40 million in a collateralized loan to one of its hedge funds, Platinum Partners Credit Opportunities, and between 3 percent and 5 percent of its $2.4 billion portfolio has been lent to Platinum-linked businesses, according to a person familiar with the situation.

Beechwood said in its statement the loans are highly rated, secured by hard assets such as bank accounts and equipment and the debt is senior to any Platinum equity in the businesses.

One of the businesses that Beechwood has a loan to is New York-based Agera Energy, according to the person familiar with the situation. A retail supplier of electricity and natural gas, Agera was essentially created by Platinum when it bought the assets of Glacial Energy Holdings out of bankruptcy in 2014 as described in a Reuters Special Report in April.

The report also detailed how a current Platinum executive, David Levy, briefly left Platinum to work at Beechwood, a period that coincided with Beechwood’s purchase of corporate bonds and a vote on those securities that appeared to help Platinum cash in on its investment in the now-bankrupt Black Elk Energy Offshore Operations.

Levy is the nephew of Murray Huberfeld, a longtime affiliate of Platinum who was arrested in June on charges that he bribed a union official to invest in Platinum. Huberfeld recently pleaded not guilty. Representatives for Platinum, led by Mark Nordlicht, and Agera, led by Steven Laker, did not respond to request for comment.

Beechwood added on Monday that it started reducing ties to Platinum in late 2014, around the time that Levy left Beechwood to return to Platinum as Nordlicht’s top investment deputy.

To read the article in its entirety click here.

With Over 200 Chabad Houses on American College Campuses…


6 surprising findings about Chabad on campus

The Hasidic movement known as Chabad-Lubavitch, on only 30 campuses before 2000, now has a presence on nearly 200 with its brand of Judaism, aiming to be inclusive and tolerant, but unabashedly Orthodox.

The rabbi and rebbetzin (or rabbi’s wife) who lead Chabad on campus take a central role. Like their movement, which under its late rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, pursued “outreach” to non-Orthodox Jews the way no other Hasidic group had done before, their goal is not strictly to win Hasidic followers.

Now a study led by Mark Rosen, associate professor at Brandeis University’s Hornstein Jewish Professional Leadership Program, aims to show what Chabad does — and does not do — on campuses across the country.

The survey, drawing from Chabad email lists, garnered responses from 2,400 alumni of 22 campuses. The respondents graduated from college after 2007.

While the campus Chabads sent email addresses, the survey was commissioned and funded by the Hertog Foundation, a conservative educational group.

The result? Campus Chabad attendees are mostly non-Orthodox, they didn’t come for the booze and they’re not about to put on black hats.

Most Chabad participants aren’t Orthodox

Chabad’s programs and rituals are run by a haredi Orthodox couple, but their target audience is more religiously diverse. According to the survey, only 11% of respondents were raised Orthodox. Most were raised either Conservative (39%) or Reform (32%), and 10% had no denomination

The more right wing you are politically, the more you go to Chabad

One measure that did correlate with Chabad attendance was political ideology. Campuses may have the reputation of being liberal bastions, but the survey found that campus Chabads may be the opposite. Only 16% of students with a liberal ideology said they had a “high” level of participation at Chabad, while 59% of liberal students had a low level of participation.

Among politically conservative students, the numbers were more evenly split. 39% had a high participation level, versus 36% with a low level of participation.


Chabad does not have a drinking problem

If Chabad houses have earned a reputation of playing loose with alcohol — that is, offering wine and spirits as a lure and a lubricant at Shabbat meals and the like — the data don’t bear it out. Shabbat dinner is the central activity at Chabad — 91% of attendees said they had gone to a Friday night meal — but the wine didn’t flow freely. Nearly two-thirds of respondents said alcohol use at Chabad was “not at all” excessive. Only four percent said it was — though it was unclear what students consider “excessive” alcohol use.

Participants at Chabad don’t feel pressure to become Orthodox

The survey also found that Chabad rabbis and rebbetzins, despite their own philosophy, didn’t pressure students to become Orthodox. Rather, in the words of the survey authors, any Jewish commandment fulfilled by a student, “even if only performed once, is considered a spiritual achievement.”

This philosophy expressed itself in the survey results. Most respondents said Chabad encouraged religious observance “a little” or “not at all.” Most felt no discomfort at being pressured to be more observant. And nearly two-thirds felt Chabad did not promote Orthodoxy over Conservative or Reform Judaism.

Nor was Chabad participation a guarantor of remaining observant. 45% of Orthodox students with a high level of Chabad participation say they are no longer Orthodox.

Chabad participants are more likely to believe in God and date Jewish

But the survey did find that Chabad participation made Jewish practice and belief more likely. Three-quarters of unaffiliated students who had a high level of participation in their campus Chabad believe in God. Among unaffiliated students who had little or no participation in Chabad, only 37% believe in God.

Most people who attended Chabad in college don’t go to Chabad now

Even those who hung around Chabad in college don’t seek out Chabad as adults. Only 21% of high-participation students said they have attended Chabad regularly after college. Two-thirds of all respondents said they haven’t sought out a Chabad at all in the past year.

To read the article in its entirety click here.

Religious Schools in Bloomingburg, finally being investigated

Religious schools under investigation in Bloomingburg

BLOOMINGBURG — Multiple Bloomingburg locations are under investigation by the Mamakating building inspector as sites of a religious girls school which lacks the proper approvals or licensing.

Building inspector Mary Grass said no one filed any complaints with her office about the alleged school, but she was watching a live stream of the Sept. 8 village board meeting when residents complained that they saw on Twitter an announcement of a Satmar girls school opening on Sept. 12 at 45 River Lane, a home that is not approved to be used as a school.

“Next morning, I was there at 7 o’clock, and I’ve been working on it ever since,” Grass said.

Grass posted stop work orders Sept. 9. If the home owner or tenants want to run a school out of that house, Grass said they have to go before the planning board to have a change of use approved. The newly formed Village of Bloomingburg planning board has not met yet.

Despite “No trespassing” signs posted at 45 River Lane, Grass said she found two men whom she questioned about the house being used as a school and any construction being done on the property. The men first told her it was just a home, Grass said, and then one said there was a daycare. Grass informed the men that a daycare would need to be licensed by the state.

Since that encounter, Grass said the school has been moved to a different site, where students are transported by unmarked vans. She is investigating the second site, but declined to give an address. It is a seasonal residence that does not have heat, Grass said.

The owner of 45 River Lane is Brooklyn resident Yocheved Perlstein, who told Grass he has been approached about a lease for a school in the house, but no lease has been signed yet. Perlstein told Grass that he would not sign a lease for a school unless it is approved by the village.

To read the article in its entirety click here.

Senator Flanagan – Have You no Shame?WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN???


Senator Flanagan, The Quintessential Political Whore: Children, Women, Education, Human Rights Be Damned 


We have written before on Flanagan; and the accompanying picture with this post makes us want to vomit. Agudath Israel of America, like Agudath worldwide is nothing if not one of the most crooked, self-serving, anti-non-Jewish and anti-education organizations. The donors are top money ultra-Orthodox Jews, enjoying the splendor of hypocrisy. We would be hard pressed to find exceptions.

We will leave this to the comments of others, but encourage people to get out and vote this November. The ultra-Orthodox, lead by organizations like Agudath Israel get out and vote in droves. They vote by political/rabbinical decree and they don’t miss a step. 

One would have thought that the scandal that rocked his own Catholic churches would have taught him something. It did not.

We would like to see Senator Flanagan suffer the same fate as the children, completely unprotected by Agudath and its leadership. This is one of the few times we cannot escape the thought that if only the children do suffer the sins of their parents, perhaps Flannagan would get a lesson in abuse, educational slavery, domestic violence and fraud. We cannot possibly wish that on his children but… he has wished it on ours. 

He has a plaque to show for it.

Senator Flanagan Picks Up Award From Agudath Israel For His Support Of Yeshivas.

(Agudath Israel of America) – Yeshiva leaders, administrators, community activists and parents filled an Agudath Israel conference room Tuesday night to honor New York State Senate Majority Leader John J. Flanagan, a man who has supported and spearheaded important legislation benefitting nonpublic school students across New York State. Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwiebel, Agudath Israel’s Executive Vice President, called Senator Flanagan “a special hero who has made historic strides and gains for the yeshiva community.”

“It is appropriate to gather together to fulfill the obligation to recognize good – hakaras hatov,” said Rabbi Zwiebel. He lauded Senator Flanagan’s friendship and support for yeshivas over the many years of his public service, and his partnership with the yeshiva community.

Several speakers from the yeshiva community detailed how Senator Flanagan’s work affected them personally.

In his speech, Senator Flanagan said that the advocacy of Agudath Israel, yeshiva administrators, and parents are a key component in his recent successes. When asked in the question and answer session how useful Agudath Israel’s Missions to Albany are, he said, “I can’t overstate the value and importance of that… You have to keep our feet to the fire. Your continued advocacy makes all the difference in the world.”.

The relationship between Senator Flanagan and the yeshiva community goes back many years, beyond the two years he has served as Senate Majority Leader to his fourteen years in the State Senate and his five years as chairman of the Senate Education Committee.

The past year’s accomplishments for nonpublic schools across the state were prominently displayed in a ‘scorecard’ for the 2016 New York State budget. The list includes: $60 million in additional funding for CAP (the Comprehensive Attendance Policy), which will help greatly towards retiring the debt that the state owes nonpublic schools; current CAP funding of $69.8 million dollars, reflecting actual costs to nonpublic schools for taking attendance rather than an “efficiency” model far below those costs; $125 million re-appropriated to pay nonpublic schools for prior-year CAP claims; $10.5 million in additional funds for safety equipment for nonpublic schools; greater flexibility in the use of Safety Equipment Funds that may allow schools to hire security personnel; and the re-establishment of a dedicated office for nonpublic schools at the State Education Department.

The first speaker, Mr. Yehuda Zachter, a parent of students in Bnos Bais Yaakov in Far Rockaway, NY, said that it is a struggle for many yeshivas to balance the budget and give their children a good education while ensuring their safety. His yeshiva has been able to provide new security systems to protect their students due to recent legislation. “We are taking care of their education,” he said. “We thank you for helping us take care of their security.”

Mr. Sruli Orzel, the Chairman of the Board and President of the Yeshiva of Spring Valley, said that in the past, laying out the cost for Mandated Services, which the state is supposed to reimburse, made it difficult to balance the yeshiva’s budget. “The monies allocated this past year to help eradicate the state’s debt to nonpublic schools, has made a huge difference,” said Mr. Orzel.

Continue reading here:

Clarkstown Wants a Get…


Clarkstown What They Don’t Want you to Know – Facebook


Dear Ramapo:

We need to talk.

We’ve been together a long time now. We started out together with so much in common and love in our hearts towards one another. However, there can be no denying that lately we’ve been drifting apart in our political marriage. It pains us to say it, but we have come to realize that we are now roadblocks to each other on our individual paths to happiness and we want a divorce, or as you would put it, we would like to get a ‘get.’

Please don’t blame yourself for any of this. It’s not you, it’s us. Our breaking point came when we were watching TV last night and we learned that your brothers in Kiryas Joel want to get a ‘get’ from their secular partners in the Town of Monroe so they can live alone in their new Town of North Monroe where secularism can be kept out and your God can be kept in. That told us that you don’t love us anymore. So here in Rockland we have decided to get a similar ‘get’ from you and as the residents of Clarkstown and Orangetown we will think of living separately in a new City called ‘South Rockland’ where both God and secularism will be welcome.

You have worked tirelessly all the time we have been together to create a very unique world for yourself where laws and rules fluidly bend or silently break to accommodate the lifestyle you want to lead. You are thriving in that world, and we admire your resourcefulness and creativity in removing the obstacles that stand in the way of your progress. We see how happy you are when you are in that environment, but we have also come to understand that we no longer fit in there. We no longer share the same visions and goals, which regrettably means that we are incompatible as long term partners. Please don’t be upset, just give us the ‘get.’

We see how miserable we make you with our constant nagging to provide a standardized NYS education to kids in a building that meets basic fire safety standards. We don’t know why we fear that kids now growing up won’t be able to support themselves when we know that ultimately government welfare will provide for them anyway. We don’t know why we can’t stop worrying that children might die at school while desperately trying to escape from behind sealed doors in a fire when we know how statistically unlikely that is to happen.

We don’t know why we lie awake at night fretting over the environmental impact of rampant overdevelopment when we know full well that we will be long gone before that impact is felt. We don’t know why we worry about a sustainable water supply, or the civil rights of others, but we do. We can’t help it, but we recognize our constant nagging is making you unhappy, and in the process we have become unhappy ourselves.

For these reasons, we ask that you give us a ‘get’.

Don’t worry that we will ask for any of your assets in this divorce. You can have Christopher St. Lawrence, Samuel Tress, Alden Wolfe and the rest of them and we will even let you keep Aney Paul. We promise that we won’t say a thing if Aron Wieder replaces Ed Day as your County Executive – after all you already elected him as your ‘de facto’ county executive.

We know how hard you worked to get all those multi-family housing developments built and we know how much political capital was spent in getting them approved. You will now need to hire a new building inspector as your present one was arrested last night while watching the video below. We don’t want to take any of that away from you if you agree to grant us the ‘get’. You earned the poverty you are living in and we want you to keep that as a token of our appreciation for giving us our ‘get’. The same goes for the Medicaid benefits and the Section 8 status – they are all yours. We will pay for the Medicaid costs in our own new community and will not burden you in asking for any assistance from your legislature.

We hope you will not worry about our ability to live alone separated from your formerly warm embrace. We did share many, many happy years together before we grew apart and became exhausted by your interminable hang-up about being fruitful and multiplying. We will be in a happier place where we can abide by all of our own hangups – we admit that we have many – such as getting our children into a good college and keeping them off the welfare rolls. We know it might seem crazy, but we actually believe that kids should learn about science, literature and other cultures including those of the goyim. We will sleep better at night knowing that code enforcement is being conducted and zoning regulations are being upheld. Certainly, you will be happier not having to listen to us lecture you about these things any longer.

We promise that if we get a ‘get’ from you and we fail without your puritanical wisdom to guide us, we will pick ourselves up and push onward and not return begging for food or shelter. If you fail without us, you know that with the steady guidance of Aron Wieder and Alden Wolfe, New York State will surely step in to support you even after you have converted all of your homes into religious institutions and depleted your own tax base.

We can both trust in that whatever the future holds, things will work out fine.

So now we say “Goodbye, Ramapo. Weep not for the memories.”

With Warmest Regards,

The People of Clarkstown and Orangetown